WHAT AM I

Butch: A person who identifies themselves as masculine, whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally. ‘Butch’ is sometimes used as a derogatory term for lesbians, but it can also be claimed as an affirmative identity label

Soft Butch: Someone who presents mostly masculine, but has some feminine traits

Stone Butch: Someone who presents extremely masculine. A stone butch might or might not identify as transgender

Stud: An African-American and/or Latina masculine lesbian

Femme: Feminine identified person of any gender/sex.

Lipstick Lesbian: A feminine lesbian

For a community that is so inclusive and accepting, there are so many labels. Don’t get me wrong they are important, but there’s a part of me that hates the labels. Why can’t I just be a gay person? I think this is one of the areas I struggle with most; what am I? I know that I identify as she/her, and that I’m a lesbian, but what kind of lesbian? 

The closest I guess I would be is a Chapstick Lesbian: A lesbian who presents somewhere between masculine and feminine, often dressing in comfortable or sensible clothing. Or maybe I would be a Stem: A person whose gender expression falls somewhere between a stud and a femme. I don't say this outright, I guess I just use this for those who seem to want to be specific.

The  issue I’m having- I’m not femme and I’m not butch, and I feel like it’s harder to find someone. *DISCLAIMER THIS IS NOT TRUE FOR EVERYONE* but I feel that most femmes are attracted to studs or more masculine females and visa versa, and since I’m neither, where does that leave me? I’m attracted to feminine girls, but since I don’t look like the “typical lesbian” it’s hard to get their attention. It's also a tad more difficult that I end up falling for straight girls. I feel like I'm the definition of "not my type" because I am so neutral; I wear makeup and do my hair, but I love men's clothing and want to be the one to hold doors and be big spoon. I don't know, I just keep telling myself I'll find someone eventually, until then you can find me rocking the single life.

Its hard to explain. It’s different in the straight world- you’re a girly girl or you’re not, either way guys will still hit on you, and your chances of successfully hitting on a guy are pretty high.

My take away from this is that you don't need a label to define you. Everyone wants to feel like they are a part of something, to be happy, and if that means finding out your true label, great! If not, you can just float through life, like me, being a happy human either way <3

Here are some links with definitions of LGBTQ+ terminology for those of you still curious:

https://lgbtrc.usc.edu/education/terminology/

https://lgbtrc.usc.edu/files/2015/05/LGBT-Terminology.pdf

https://www.wearefamilycharleston.org/lgbt-a-z-glossary/

Genders and sexuality:

http://thepbhscloset.weebly.com/a-list-of-genders--sexualities-and-their-definitions.html