MY FIRST SHEBANG

I was 18. I had been struggling with coming to terms with who I was, even though it was going on 6 years. I only had one serious boyfriend in high school, and I figured it wasn’t normal that I had to think of women to simply make out with him. 

The summer before senior year of high school was the first time I had sex with a boy, and I had no idea what was happening. I didn’t get the fireworks or the feelings all of my friends were talking about, so what do I do? Find another guy. Boring. I hated it. I felt nothing. I think I was just trying to prove to others that I was “normal”. 

Now let’s get to the good stuff. 

A college boy had messaged me in the fall of my senior year, our grandparents knew each other so it was basically a small town fairy tale. He asked me to meet him and his family at a bar in a small neighboring town, and I was always down for anything involving alcohol at this point. That’s when I saw her, we’ll call her Blu, with her short red hair and tattoos. My eyes instantly fell on her. But of course, not a single soul knew I was gay, so I did my best to treat her as a fellow heterosexual. Then this crazy thing happened where I accidentally drank too much and decided to talk to her about her tattoos, touching each one and letting my hand linger on her thigh. I felt very smooth. We talked majority of the time (sorry boy who invited me). 

We all got a ride back to the boys parents house, and Blu and I slept downstairs on the couch. Now I was pretty drunk, but I do know it didn’t take me long to make some moves. My mind was f***ing blown. So that’s what I should be feeling??? Alright, I get it and I want more. Unfortunately for me, she seemed distant that next morning and I didn’t really hear from her after. Maybe it was because she was older, maybe I sucked ass, maybe I was more drunk than I thought. Whatever it was I still had butterflies when I thought of her. 

Skip ahead a few months, it was now January and I was at my towns Snowfest dance (a big snowmobile festival where a lot of drinking occurs). Long story short she was there, I tried to hold myself back until the vodka set in, then it turned in to me discretely doing everything I could to get close to her and go home with her. Whatever I did it worked, and I found myself with her again. 

We didn’t talk much after that, I went away to college and she ended up getting married, but I can easily say I owe her a lot. I almost felt like I should have thanked her for allowing me to finally be a lesbian.