Q&A

What's the hardest challenge you've faced as a gay person and how did you overcome it?

I would say it was growing up in my home town. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way; there were A LOT of people who came out in college (or even after) that grew up in the same place I did. Which sucks, it shouldn't be that way. The constant fear of what people are going to think of you and knowing there is potential for them to reject you for it. It's a gut-wrenching feeling. It was a small town and rumors spread as easily as I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. It's depressing being so afraid of what even your best friends are going to think of you. It's not healthy to hide who you are for so long. Now, when I go home I am as gay as ever, and if people stare, GOOD, I'll desensitize you with my lesbianism.

I am lucky enough to say I haven't faced that many challenges. Beside the depression and panic attacks growing up, I was able to find people in college who supported me. And now I have so many friends and family who know and love me anyway. I wish I would have been less afraid in my own home town, but unfortunately that wasn't the case. Honestly, I am jealous of all the young people I see at pride, some even with their parents. They are so happy and comfortable with who they are. Which is also amazing, to see how far we have come to give them the courage to do so. I just hope those young kids realize all the shit our older generations had to go through to make this all possible for us. HUGE shout out to them <3

Do you believe people are born gay or is sexuality something that develops over time?

I'll start of by saying it is NOT A CHOICE. If people think LGBTQ+ people choose harder lives, they are morons.

Everyone has a type and my type just happens to be women. Some people have no type and they just fall in love with the person, no matter the gender or color of their skin. It's the attraction they feel toward someone, it is wanting to be with that person, and it is not a choice.

I believe there is a biologic component. Whether it is genetics or hormones or both, I don't know but I think it plays a role. There's a reason we get butterfly's when we see someone we are attracted to. I personally didn't understand my thoughts about girls until I hit puberty and it became sexual for me.

This is a hard question, only because I wish people didn't care. Why is it so hard to let people love and be attracted to whoever they want? No matter how they come about those feelings?

Do you ever think abut how different your life would be if you were born a male and still liked girls, so you wouldn't have to live the gay life?

Obviously, most girls have thought about how easy it would be to be a straight male- can get ready in 5 minutes, a colored t-shirt can somehow pass as dressy, etc; but I honestly have never thought about my life as a man. I have thought about my life as a straight woman, and how easy and normal it would be to get and have a boyfriend, be in public with him, get married, pop out a few kiddos... and I wanted that more than anything when I was younger, just to be "normal". I think about it every once in awhile when I am in my feels, but honestly I've come to love being gay. I love the community, I love my gay family, and I love that I can love a woman- they are beautiful.

Could you ever see yourself with a man?

No, I honestly can't at all. I think there are some good looking and physically attractive men out there, but I am 0% sexually or emotionally attracted to them. I have more of a protector and caregiver personality, so the thought of a guy being my "hero" makes me roll my eyes a little. I have also never dreamed of my perfect wedding with a man in it. I have guy friends, and that's about as far as I can ever see those relationships going. I am not a huge fan of chest hair. Balls are gross.

What's the most hurtful interaction you've had when addressing your sexuality?

Honestly, it was when I told my mom. It was the summer of 2014 and I was on a mental health unit of a hospital and she called me on the phone. We were talking and she goes, "Okay, I need to ask you something, you aren't gay, are you?" I said, "but what if I am?" She said, "but you're not." And we went back and forth with but what if I am and you're not until I eventually hung up the phone. I was heart broken. It was the first time I actually acknowledged to another person I might be gay, and I felt so alone. Through the next years she would talk about boys and try to hint and me being with guys, and I would ignore it. Then on Mother's Day (I know) 2017, we were on the river and I was a lil drinky drunk, and she came up to me and said, "Do you think any man wants to marry a girl who acts like this?" I turned and looked her dead in the eyes and loudly stated, "Well good thing I'm not marrying a man then." We didn't talk for a few weeks after that. Then in the summer of 2018, I was drinking and had a meltdown talking with my moms' friends about the situation. They brought my mom over and all my mom would say is "I love you, but I don't accept you." I can't describe the feeling that gives a person. It sucks.

Otherwise, I have been super blessed with the positivity from other family and friends. I am constantly still coming out to people I meet, but I would say my hardest parts are over. My friends and most of my family love and support me, I wouldn't trade them for anything. I haven't ran in to too many people who say hurtful things after I tell them I'm gay, just a few people who visibly become uncomfortable and eventually stop talking to me, but honestly I don't want people like that in my life anyway.

If you shaved a woolly mammoth, would it be an elephant?

I'm going to have to say no lol